Tough Love for Writers
December was a dark month in my life. Behind on my schoolwork, my responsibilities, my life, I felt like my writing had no direction and no hope of getting published. Agents had requested my full, but as time went by without a response I let doubt sink in. This niggling, pervasive doubt said, “You’ll never make it,” and I started to believe it. A horrible thing happened: I sabotaged myself.
I see it every day on the AW boards and Twitter. A rejection comes in, and a writer thinks about quitting, no longer sure this dream is worth balancing on the edge of heartache every day. Like those other dejected writers, I couldn’t write, couldn’t think, couldn’t find the joy I had when I was writing my novel. If you can relate to me at all, here’s where I tell you something you may not want to hear.
It was my own damned fault. I let the querying and the quest for publication overtake my love of spinning stories. I did that. Not the agents who rejected me, or the ones who were too busy to get back to me on my timeline. The stories didn’t go away. My confidence in my ability to tell them did.
When you are writing, the experience belongs to you. The exhilaration and obsession and frenzy to put words to screen: All yours. The experience of reading the finished work belongs to others, but you have sole and proprietary custody of the rest. Shame on you and shame on me for giving that away to others.
You might think it’s easy for me to say this now that I have an agent. Not true. My family knew my self-doubt had reached an all-time low when I went home for Christmas and basically cried for a week. My brother-in-law – a very talented musician – knows all about dreams that don’t come true. For Christmas, he had two copies of my book bound in secret – one for me and one for my greatest fan, my sister. Then he delivered me a solid lecture about having a little faith and remembering that my accomplishments are not measured on anyone’s scale but my own. Wise man and a lot of tough love.
I didn’t rediscover hope like I was in a Hallmark special. I went home, opened my new WIP and made myself write, even though it felt like pulling impacted wisdom teeth. And damn it if he wasn’t right. As soon as I let go and started writing, the worry about the queries and all the rest faded. I didn’t give up on my dream of getting published, but I let another one take higher precedence: a dream that I could fall in love with words like I had before. And then I wrote some lines that shocked me with how right and perfect they were, and I sighed, “There it is. There’s that feeling again.”
Two weeks later, I got an offer.
My friend, Kate, called me a “zen princess” recently. The truth is I’ve discovered that being a writer is like taking an upper followed by a downer and then repeat. I’m going to do my best to hold on to the joy where I can in this process. And when I begin to doubt myself, or give away what’s mine, I’m going to hope my brother-in-law delivers another swift kick to set me to rights.
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7 Responses to "Tough Love for Writers"
on February 15, 2010 | to this post
This is so true and very inspiring. I hope that anyone reading it will take away a message of positivity and realize they aren’t writing just for agents or fame. It’s love of the creative process that fires writers.
on February 15, 2010 | to this post
Another great post, Cory! I’m not even querying or waiting, and still I get like this. Actually, I post about it on my blog this coming Wednesday… But, if you ever need a kick in the pants when you get down, let me know. Your words affect people. They affected me. So, keep up with your love of writing, because it definitely shines through your work.
on February 15, 2010 | to this post
The bipolar aspect of writing–amen. The road to publication is so tough and can take so long, and heck, some of us may never get there. But one thing is for sure–we definitely won’t get there if we give up.
It’s so hard not to feel low and defeated sometimes, and I think that’s okay–as long as, like you said, you keep trying. I mean, let youself mope sometimes, sure, but just don’t let it last forever. Keep trying to create.
I also think that surrounding yourself with writer friends who understand and can encourage you is key. I don’t think I would have lasted this long if I hadn’t found all my AW buds.
Group hug time.
And YAY for you—zen princess and almost out on sub now–WOOT!
on February 15, 2010 | to this post
This Christmas, my parents gave me an iPod Touch. I sat completely confused because they knew I had an iPod (they had gotten me one the year before).
It’s so you can check your email when you’re away from your computer, my mom said. You’re going to get an offer and you’ll want to know as soon as you do and you’ll want to tweet about it.
on February 15, 2010 | to this post
Thank you. This was very up-lifting.
on February 15, 2010 | to this post
oHHHHH im so glad I married that man!!!!!!
on February 15, 2010 | to this post
This is very timely as I had one of those moments of self-doubt just two days ago… The funny thing is that even as I felt like I should give it all up, another part within me told me “fine complain about it, whine about it, but you know you’ll feel fine about it soon… and next thing you know you’ll be enthusiastic again.” I know that that part was right and I can’t even imagine quitting anymore… Though I’m thinking I may want to be slightly less obsessive with my writing maybe?