LOL: A Manifesto to Stop the Abuse

There are certain words in the history of the English language that have displayed certain flair, a je ne sais quoi. Words that punch you in the gut and leave you feeling like you’ve been through a wringer or longing for a kiss or wishing you were sitting in the shade on a veranda with a mint julep in your hand or wishing you knew what was in a mint julep. Damn, now I want a mint julep. [slinks off]

As I sip on my mint julep, I reflect on the odd phenomenon that happens when a powerful word – a ninja word, if you will – gets adopted into everyday use. That ninja word gets cuts down with each use, until it loses its mojo and becomes Karate Kid III or The Hills sans Lauren Conrad.  This wordwashing (like greenwashing, but with words. Duh.) also  occurs with acronyms in forums, chat rooms, and Facebook. The acronym used most heinously? LOL.

One person posts a pic of their cat wearing reindeer ears, and another tosses out LOL. Someone says my kid fingerpainted with potatoes and someone says LOL. I send a text to a friend complaining about how exhausted I am, and she texts back LOL. Were any of the aforementioned examples funny? Only if you also laugh at car accidents and crying babies.

Stop the abuse! In case you have been sorely misguided about the meaning of LOL, allow me to educate you. It stands for Laugh Out Loud. That means your belly is jiggling, your chest is heaving, and some sound is escaping from the depth of your body where your funny bone is cleverly hidden between your heart and your madly typing fingers. You literally Laugh Out Loud.

Since its entrance into everyday usage, LOL now means something like “slightly smirking in a snarky way” or “my eye twitched a millimeter in amusement.” Worse, it sometimes translates like “I’m politely fake laughter even though I think you’re as funny as clowns.” (Seriously, who is amused by clowns? They’re just creepy.) Please, please don’t allow this acronym to be watered down. Laughing is one of the amazing joys in life. Use LOL with extreme prejudice and only if your body engages in the physical activity of guffawing or chortling. Rant over. Titter, chuckle, snicker, and snigger on.

BTW, here is a recipe for mint julep for those who wonder what’s in a mint julep.