Editing Tip #2: Beginnings (Abusing the Pronoun – Verb Combo)
While laboring away on my manuscript, I obsessed over the passive verb problem. I switched out the “I was” and “She became,” obliterating most of the sleepy “to be” verbs from my novel. Proud of my work, I sent it off into the world to be read by my trusted few. The new comment that came back? Something along the lines of this: “You should really try to vary your sentence structure. Many of your sentences seem to begin with a pronoun-verb combination.” Damn.
So I sat down at my laptop once more and did a close read of a random chapter. Then, I shrugged sheepishly because my reader proved right. See an example of two lines from my current work.
Original Version:
He stared for a moment in disbelief and spoke with a bite of amusement. “When did you run into this…door?”
I sighed. “Four days ago. Are you always this nosy?”
Now that you’ve read this example, you may note one of my biggest criticisms – I have a bad habit of not letting the dialogue speak for itself. Setting that aside for another post, see how simple this problem is to fix.
Revised Version:
“When did you run into this…door?” he asked.
I sighed. “Four days ago. Are you always this nosy?”
I challenge you to scan a few pages of your manuscript. Are you varying the sentence structure enough? Do many of your sentences begin with a noun (your character’s name) or a pronoun in tandem with a verb? Spice things up and move them around. Like most revisions, you’ll find it only gives you some gray hair and will make your work better.
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2 Responses to "Editing Tip #2: Beginnings (Abusing the Pronoun – Verb Combo)"
on October 21, 2009 | to this post
Cool advice. Now I am going to ransack your blog for other bits of info.
on August 31, 2011 | to this post
I think sometimes we all get to that point where you’re worried about description and forget…I wouldn’t have paid attention to the things you’ve mentioned on your tips page. Thank you for pointing out what so few do!